Author: GeminiDreama

Well, here we are again. Did you get to “ponder” on the question “Why am I here?”

Presumably, this is not the first time you have wondered.

“My job here is not to give you answers – I don’t have any – all I am doing is pondering on alternatives in the hope that I won’t go “crackers” before I die.”

“Awakenings” is just that – my journey of awakening and the thoughts that cross my mind as I ponder on the meaning of life, the meaning of my life and, just as importantly to me, what changes, if any, can I implement to change my “state” in a healthy way.

Obviously, my “state” is largely a “feeling” place and, as discussed in earlier blogs, the conclusion that I have drawn is that my “feelings” flow largely from my thoughts although, some of those feeling may be flashbacks to prior events and not actually require a thought to burst forth.

So, back to the question “Why am I here?” There are thousands of answers to that question so we can be sure that no one actually knows and, worse still, there is no actual way to validate/prove a supposed answer so, truth be known, we will all die in the dark anyway. Having said that, as we are “meaning making machines” and consciousness requires that our lives have meaning, there may not be anything intrinsically wrong with us having an answer to that question as long as it serves us and the rest of the human race.

If our only reason for existing is to throw our genes into the pool, then having a reason to live beyond that point becomes somewhat superfluous, doesn’t it?

And, if we don’t have kids? May as well end it now!

So, it appears that the quest for meaning serves other purposes as well and, it would appear self-evident to me, evolutionary development has to fit in there somewhere. No gene evolves with any purpose other to make one “fitter” for survival! Having said that “gene expression” is a slightly different matter but, underlying this “expression” is the desire to get laid and propagate although, as we get older, the desire to get laid reduces but the gene expression does not – seems something of an anomaly to me.

So, let’s explore some of the obscure [in my view, anyway] views and to why we are here:

• “To entertain God?” – this is not exactly as it is quoted in texts but, basically, we are here as “playthings” of God. He sent himself to Earth, deliberately erasing his memory of who he is [because, if he remembered who he was and could create anything instantly, how could he “experience” anything?] Our job, then, is to have these “experiences” that, he God, can’t have – e.g. pain, sorrow, fear, longing, loneliness, loss etc. etc. so that”he” can get to “feel”. Now, I don’t want to be too aggressive in my disdain for this line of thinking but remember this is the God who loves us, wants only the best for us, created us in his own image and sent us down here to go through all this crap just so he can “feel” something that a God cannot feel because he is all powerful. Just doesn’t seem to cut it with me!
• “To work our way back to God” – now this one does my head in as well. This is the Cristian one. God creates man in his image, put him in paradise with Eve but asks him not to eat form the “tree of knowledge” – yeah, God loves us but doesn’t want us to have knowledge! Anyway, Adam is tempted, you know the story, so God has to send his son down to save us from sin so that we can be reunited with God [our father]. In the meantime, before all of this happened, no human could be saved so millions, perhaps hundreds of millions died and went to hell [eternal damnation]. Well, that’s a doozy, if ever I heard one!
• How about the spiritual “Conversations with God” series and the answers God gives to the author of these books? To me, it is all “more of the same – basically. I am “not holding my tongue right” and, until I do, I cannot get what I want!

There just has to be a better reason to live! As I said, I am actually not sure what it is, but I am totally sure of what it is NOT – all of the above. Somewhere, in the middle of all this, finding a “reason why we are here” that serves us, must be of evolutionary value and enhance the quality of our lives and, if part of why you have “meaning” is your connection to family, then your reason for being here may cover more that just “you” and that is perfectly valid. In fact, this reason for being here may serve an evolutionary purpose which could extend far past just propagation, so likely be in the “short list” of good ones.

This topic is so important that every philosopher has attempted to answer and there is so much stimulating reading about it, it could be an extensive investigation on your part to ascertain which, if any, rest well with you.

Having said that, if you already have a view, dare I suggest that, at this stage, instead of defending that view, have a look at some others to see how they feel.

Resources are endless – here are a couple of good ones:

• https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meaning_of_life
• https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man%27s_Search_for_Meaning

“Why am I here?”

The million dollar question……

The ONLY question……

So, having asked the question, the only question that matters to each and every one of us [whether or not we care to admit it], I have to ask “What is the point of me waxing philosophical and meandering on about this?”

Well, here’s the point, in my case, writing helps me process thoughts, helps me draw conclusions, somehow elucidates my journey. Reading and meditating can do the same things, of course.

As I have mentioned in a previous blog, a friend of mine, Amir Zoghi, has said that men are meaning-making machines. He also said that the only meaning that anything has is the meaning that we attach to it. In other words, all meaning is nothing but our personal view on what it means. Whilst some individuals may agree with our view of the “meaning” of a particular event, many others would attribute a very different meaning to the same event/occurrence.

And this is the challenge of it all, the reason for our confusion, the reason for our lack of tolerance of others and, dare I say it, the reason for our “fear”.

What do I mean by “the reason for our fear?” I hear you say. I’m actually not sure but it appears to me that, when we act intolerantly of someone else’s view, we are acting from a place of fear.

In my case, anyway, I think that, when I centre myself and track down internally what is happening to me and track the feeling back to the thought that triggered it, it seems to me to be fear. Of what am I afraid? That I am not good enough or something like that. I suspect that I have tried to develop a framework from which to live my life and, when someone questions it or [in my internal view] attempts to invalidate it, I feel fear and my response can be any one of a number of things – withdrawal, shut-down, anger.

Now, as I analyse these things happening, it does appear to me to stem from this whole “meaning” thing.

So, what would it mean if I didn’t attach meaning to anything?

Would it be possible to actually do this? Given that I have spent my whole life attaching meaning to everything, is it possible to let go of my “attachment” to the meanings that I have given to all of the events of my life?

I suspect not. I do know that some people appear to have largely overcome the issue of attaching meaning to everything and have learned to simply be present to the moment and simply accept “what is” but, I suspect the truth is that it is a very small number of people, overall.

Perhaps, some Buddhist monks and other drop-outs. Perhaps some of the “gurus” we see and hear about but, overall, I suspect it must be a very small number of people because it seems to me to be so hard to do.

Now, just because I think it is difficult, does not actually mean that is the case but I dare you to do so. I dare you to have some shitty [which is simply validation that you attached a meaning to something by labelling it as “shitty”], thing happen to you and simply accept it and not label it!!

Yes, it’s really tough, isn’t it?

Not sure where this ramble is leading but I think this is, somehow, a continuation of my post about “The Human Condition”.

Yes, in my view, this need to attach meaning to everything, this need for “order/understanding” in our life, is fundamental to the reason we are so miserable, the reason that we live so “unconsciously, the reason that we treat each other and ourselves so badly.

If one investigates various views as to “why we are here?”, there seem to be numerous answers. Many of them, of course, come from religions and, as you would expect, they’re “reason for being” is largely to answer this question, nothing more, nothing less. Human beings have been looking the “the” answer to this question since we became “conscious” so many have attempted to answer it. Of course, there are numerous variations to this question: “Why is this happening/why is that happening?”; “Why do bad things happen to good people?” etc. etc.

And, over the eons, the answer largely came from the “enlightened” ones, the priests, the religions etc.

Mere plebs [presume you know what this Australian slang word means? Well, it actually came from the Romans] like us had to depend on someone smarter, holier, more blessed than us to come; more “connected to the king/emperor/pharaoh [in a nutshell, more “important” than us] up with the “divine” answer.

If I was “created” by something/someone/Universe/Supreme Consciousness/whatever, why would they not let me know why I am here rather than create some elusive, paradoxical trail to find the answer to the “only” question that actually matters?

And, if that question doesn’t matter, how can anything else matter at all?

So, I might finish off today’s meandering and leave you to ponder this question.

I will be back tomorrow to describe some conclusions that I have drawn about this and similar questions. Until then………………………

And what does “thinking” mean?

The original Descartes “I think, therefore I am” [Cognito, ergo sum] statement, is allegedly, a significant philosophical moment in the history of mankind. Perhaps, at the time he wrote it [circa 1637], there was some doubt or confusion about our very existence. In truth, I have not got a clue but, let me tell you, without a doubt, I believe that “I am” and also hold that almost without exception, so does 99.9% of the human race!

To think that I do not “exist” and that this is all some sort of cosmic dream, some sort of delusion is, in itself, delusional. I sometimes wonder how philosophers and other gurus get away with the bullshit they feed us!

I know, if we contemplate things, ad nauseum, particularly in this age of quantum physics, which says our universe is not actually real, it is possible to get carried away to the extent that we can pretend that we are not real but, get a grip, we are “real”. We exist. In the only universe that we know, the one we are in, this 3-dimensional inverse with both time and space.

I am not here because “I think” – I am “here”, in this physical universe and, as a result of my human existence, I “think”.

So, here am I, a mere peasant in the scheme of the philosophical universe, who calls them out with their bullshit!

I dare you to read this and disagree with it!

So, let’s take “thinking” to the next level/levels:

1. What is it?

So, what is “thinking”?

Good question.

When we are “thinking”, all sorts of things are happening, perhaps differently for some of us [or each of us]. If we sat down and recorded, word for word, every single thought that crossed our mind, what would it look like? For example, does the “thinking” [i.e. each word that crosses our mind] differ for the sequence of words that cross the mind of, say, an artist, a musician, a Buddhist monk, someone successful or an athlete? How could we ascertain this? As we cannot record our thoughts directly [as far as I know], how could ever actually work out what “thinking” looks like?

Furthermore, is “thinking” merely this sequence of words that flash across our mind or is it more than this? How we “feel”? The pictures we see in our mind? The reversion to earlier thoughts and/or feelings from childhood or previous experiences?

How does  Einstein or Hawking think? How does Elton John or Beethoven think? How did Michelangelo “think”? What do they think?

• Why do we do it?

Presumably, the fact that we “think” [as opposed to what dogs or apes do] has something to do with survival. Evolutionarily speaking, everything happens in an effort to help the species survive. For no other reason. That may not be correct but it is my understanding of evolution. So, if this is the case, “thinking” serves to help  our species survive – somehow, it makes us “fitter” [in the “survival of the fittest” sense].

So, please explain how my depressive thinking, my depressive/suicidal thoughts advance our species? Or am I one of those genetic failures, just a by-product of millions of genetic variations and others, without my depressive predisposition will survive and my line will fail? [Now, that is depressing?]

Or, does my predisposition to depressive thinking allow other variations in future thinking/genetic outcomes etc. so, in fact, even our sad, depressive thoughts actually contribute to positive evolutionary outcomes? As an example, some wonderful music, art and literature have come as a result of depressed individuals. Is there something significant here?

As an aside, you may find this article on creativity and addiction of interest: https://www.recoveryranch.com/?s=creativity+and+addiction

• What is its’ value to us, in an evolutionary sense?

Continuing from my observations above, what is thinking’s value to us? Apart for the evolutionary aspects briefly touched upon above, what are the benefits that we receive from “thinking”? Now, before we go any further here, let’s clarify, in this context what I mean by “thinking” as it applies to this question. I am not talking about just the repetition of words going through our minds as thinking. I actually think that just happens to all of us as a matter of course. In using the word “thinking”, I am referring to a “process” that includes observing the “words” that cross our mind, observing the “feelings” that these words create [by feelings I mean the feelings in our body – I suspect all “feelings” are “felt” in our body but am open at this stage as to whether that is actually correct in 100% of cases], our “ponderings about these words, our “questioning what they represent, why we are having them, their affect upon our feelings and, most importantly, whether I can change how they make me feel or what they mean. This is “thinking: in the sense that we are different than other animals.

Who thinks? [By that, I mean, “does everybody think?”] – I suspect that everybody thinks they “think”. Regurgitating my comments above, the question is ‘is all of this “thinking”? perhaps, it may be better to phrase it a different way – there are different types of thinking and, perhaps, if we think of it that way, we may be able to differentiate between thinking that does us no good and thinking that enhances/improves our about to have a better quality of life and/or survive better. For example, can we develop a type of thinking that gives us more or better answers to the questions and dilemmas of life? If so, then, of course, developing that type of thinking ability would be desirous. Perhaps, some of the “guru” stuff we read about or see on the internet encompasses techniques to help us do that. It would appear that meditation appears to help one to be less stressed and better able to cope with some of the challenges we face in our day-to-day life. Of course, what some of us see as challenges, others see as trivialities, so developing the type of thinking that sorts real challenges from trivialities would be useful as well.

To date, I have not come across a lot of material that focuses on this or any material with scientific validation about “better thinking” [by “better” I mean that it serves us better, allows us to adapt and lead better, happier lives].

• What different types of thinking are there?

These questions do overlap it appears but, nonetheless, worth exploring individually, I hope.

So, what “types” of “thinking” are there? I don’t want to get into any type of judgement here, just trying to determine if there are different ways to “think” and how I may develop the skills necessarily to develop how I think so that I can lead a happier life. Pretty straightforward really but, of course, it’s not that simple, is it? Or we would all learn to think more clearly and we would all be “jump over the moon happy” most of the time. I suppose, at this stage, the other question that pops up is “How do we learn to think in the first place?” Presumably, genetics and environment play a part in this but how much? Is it measurable and, more importantly, can it be changed? One assumes that Hitler thought differently than Gandhi? So, why? And, how?” And, can I learn to think more like Gandhi? Or Michelangelo?

According to various sources on the internet, there are 8 types of thinking:

• Creative
• Analytical
• Convergent
• Divergent
• Concrete
• Abstract
• Sequential
• Holistic

When I started thinking about this blog article, I was not thinking about an academic treatise on the various types of thinking – all I was thinking about was “Can I find a different way to think that serves me and makes me happy?” Nothing more. And here we are – all sorts of things come out of the woodwork!

I don’t really want to explore all of the above types of thinking to work out if any of them allow me to live a better life. I was hoping for something simpler!

• Can we “control” our thinking?

So this is really the only question, isn’t it? Can we “control” our thinking? Let me explain. Sometimes, when there are thoughts running amuck in my head – things like:

• “I am a dickhead, I fucked that up”
• “I am a waste of space”
• “I should have done this; I should have done that”
• Reviewing past events which I cannot change

And then I say to myself “These thoughts are in MY head, surely I am in control here!” But I am not, I am unable to stop these runaway thoughts! Surely, this cannot be true! So, here is the dilemma – are we in “control” of our thoughts? And, if not, how do we gain control? I am not prepared to live my life answering to God knows who! Where the fuck do these thoughts come from and, more importantly, how the fuck do I stop them and create more empowering thoughts?

• Is it totally involuntary?

This is a continuation of the above question. Do we have the ability to control which thoughts we follow and which we discard? Do we have the ability to determine where these thoughts came from in the first place? Are these thoughts “mine”? Of course they are but what does “mine” mean? Does my subconscious create them from memories of past events and how those events interact with today’s activities? Why would my subconscious create thoughts that damage me, cripple me, rather than help me deal with today’s events and challenges? This is the crux of this whole blog piece, how to control my thinking so that I get the best out of it.

• Can we change the way we think?

So, can we change the way we think? So that we may live better lives? Be happier. That is all that really matters, isn’t it?

• If “yes”, what does this mean?

Let’s begin here. If “yes”, what does this mean? It means, notwithstanding the thoughts that pop into our head, can we learn to react differently to them?

Or, perhaps, the “yes” may actually mean that, somehow, we can learn to attach different “meanings” to outcomes/events and, as a result, the thoughts that are created after a later event are actually different and that means that we do think differently! If only it were so. I have read hundreds of self-help and personal development books and attended dozens of personal development/spiritual seminars and, whilst they all seem to claim that they can help me change this, so far, my thinking does not seem to have changed much!

So, can we change how we think? And, more importantly, if so, how?

The million-dollar question! And, for me. No answer yet. More reading, research required.

• Does “thinking” control how we “feel”?

I think that the answer to this is “yes” and that is why the whole issue about thinking is so important to me. If thinking actually controls how we feel, then the quality of our life which, in my view, is simply about how we “feel”, then, obviously, if thinking controls how we feel, nothing much else matters apart from learning how to think differently.

If the answer is “no”, then I need to be educated as to what it is that creates our feelings. Any suggestions out there?

• Does how we “feel” control how we “act”?
  • If yes, what does this mean?

It appears to me, that how we “feel” is the primary driver of how we “act” and, therefore, if that is true, who we are, how we behave it and our actions are all driven by how we “think”. Therefore, there can be no greater task in life than learning how to “think” differently.

So, despite simple beginnings, this blog led me nowhere largely, almost back to where I started with no concrete answers to anything. Now, that is the challenge of “thinking”!

This poem is about the dichotomy of love. We use the word “love” quite loosely and, generally, do not give due consideration to what we are saying. The word “love” is bandied about as if it is the same as “like” – we love this, we love that. The term love that we use when we are “in love” is also, in my view a misnomer. Love, in the sense that we apply it to romantic love is nothing more than a chemical reaction in the brain in response to a desire to procreate and, from an evolutionary perspective, probably has something to do with providing protection for our young ones.

“Love” in the sense that I am talking about here, is about being in that state of true love, unconditional acceptance of what is, right here, right now. In that space we feel at peace, safe, warm, contented, feeling “whole”, part of the Universe, connected to everything and every thing.

Understanding what “unconditional” means is, I suspect, the real purpose of our lives, the reasons that we exist. In a place of “unconditional” love, total surrender to “what is”, we can find true peace. Only in this place can we feel OK with who we are and what is happening to us and around us.

“Acceptance” is the same as “unconditional” – it simply means that we have no expectations and, thus, total acceptance.

It appears to me that we humans are “meaning making machines” – looking for “meaning” in everything. Our “mind” is looking for meaning in everything, longing to “understand” when, any intelligent thought will lead you to the conclusion that there are millions of things, possibly everything, that we simply will never “understand”. How can we possibly comprehend quantum physics and the concept that everything in the Universe is a wave and doesn’t “exist” until we “observe” this “wave”, at which time it becomes a “particle” and, at that point, jumps into existence”.

I know that man has come a long way in learning to understand many things that our ancestors did not even begin to comprehend but is it possible that, over time, we can come to understand everything? At that point, we would have to become one with God, the Universe, and, at that point I suspect we would no longer be human, in form – we would become part of that universal “energy” that is existence (or non-existence).

That doesn’t mean that we should bury our heads in the sand and not seeks answers to our questions but, to me, it does mean that we need to spend some time just pondering and being present to what is happening right here, right now.

So, I write this to explain where I am coming from in this poem, this place of “Love” that I call “home”, that place of feeling true peace, connectedness with all that is, simply OK. Where the quest for “meaning” becomes no more than simply “being”

"Love is..."
Love is here in me, right here, right now
in this quiet peaceful place, I am not asking"how"?
I am one with life, with all that is
accepting my true self, no more quiz

No more asking "how"or asking "why"?
No more longing for that "pie in the sky"
No more asking why I exist
just breathing in, thankful for what is

In this solitude, simple joy of "being"
I feel not all alone, it is quite freeing
In this loneliness, I feel whole knowing
that I am no more than soul

My body is temporary, quite finite
It will cease to exist but that's alright
My "existence" here on this earth is a game
I have played, since my birth

The game it seems to me to be
to learn how to set us free
Free from duality, free from pain
when we understand we have nothing to gain

We have everything that we need
in this present moment, to succeed
All we really need is this breath
and in this sweet place we fear not death

We need have no fear, it holds no sway
in the present time, it just goes away
Fear only exists if we leave the present moment
seeking meaning in the future place, we feel our torment

If we can just learn to be here now
we can understand the "why" and "how"
The why of our life, and how to live
understanding is all that we can give

Understanding that we'll never understand in our mind you see,
we think we're man When, in truth, it seems,
that is not true it's a fallacy,
that there's a "me" and "you"

There is no "me" nor do "you" exist
We are all just "One", Universal tryst
A tryst of Universe playing it's game
where we are separate and we feel shame

If we only knew that we are "One"
we would understand all we have done
every thought we have is just a game
keeping us separate, but we're the same

Part of Universal love, expressions of intent
nothing more it seems, we are heaven sent
Sent to Earth it seems to pretend we're here
separated from who we are and this is what we fear

If we reconnect with the truth of who we are simply
we are dust from some long lost star
all we feel is "love", we are supreme beings
who came here to experience this weird dream

In duality we do not comprehend
what we need to do to our life mend
In duality we feel so all alone
but, by being "here" we are coming home

Coming home to "love" for what is "now"
by simply "being here" we have the "how"
The how of life is simply "being"
Being present for what we are seeing

Seeing what is here, for in this place
we can feel Universe's amazing grace
Peace and love and joy we can feel
from each other then we need not steal

I do not need you, nor you me
can I not feel that I am free?
Free to be myself, exactly as I am
Yes, I know that I am more than man

Part of Universe, complete and whole
All I really am is this soul
Understanding this will bring you peace
and your fearful thoughts just simply cease

I have been pondering of late about the meaning of my life and it dawned upon me that there may be no meaning to my life at all. I was once told by a wise man that “Nothing has any meaning other than that which we attach to it. Man is a meaning-making machine.”

As that thought evolved and I thought about what it would mean if “Nothing matters”, I did a google search to see what would come up. Lo and behold, Nihilism came up and some commentary about the implications of nothing mattering and what effect that would have upon your thinking.

As I thought about that, I was lead down the rabbit hole – what effect would it really have upon my thinking and my behaviour if I really thought that nothing mattered? As I explored this thought, the implications became enormous – if this were true [or I thought it were true], almost everything that I think and everything that I do would change! In fact, as I thought back on my life, it appeared to me that almost every action I have taken has been predicated upon my belief that everything [no exceptions] has some sort of meaning.

Imagine, if you would, what effect the belief that nothing matters, would have upon your judgement about people and events. I think that all of my responses are responses to what I think a particular event “means”. If I remove the “meaning”, there is nothing that sparks or requires a “response” – perhaps this is what sages have referred to over the years as “acceptance”?

Anyway, as I pondered, I thought “If our existence does not matter and nothing actually has any meaning, what is the purpose of our life?” By that I mean, whilst our life does not matter in the overall scheme of the Universe [that appears almost self-evident to me], there may be some value in still having a “purpose” in our life – it is a question, if you like, “Why are we here?” Obviously, we are here as part of the ongoing development of this particular life form [homo sapiens] on this particular planet in this particular Universe and, therefore, our existence does have a purpose in an evolutionary [perhaps experimental] sense.

That thought led me to the question “What is the purpose of our existence in this evolutionary sense?” The conclusion that I have drawn, at this stage of my pondering, is that the purpose of our life is to learn to “love” ourselves. What led me to that conclusion?  Well, if we are born with a “clean slate” [now I know there is much evidence that we are not – we already have some memories when we are born of our time in utero and there also seems to be some evidence that our DNA carries some memories from previous generations] – then what would be needed for us to evolve to the point where we/our species would be the most likely to survive/prosper? After all, is that not what evolution is all about?

This thought led me to the conclusion that, whilst we appear to be top of the tree species wise right now, we are destroying the planet, each other and ourselves which will inevitably lead to extinction! So, what would we have to do to actually be top of the tree, fostering a meaningful and interdependent relationship with our earthly cohabitants? Seems to me that we would have to live consciously. What does that actually mean? To me it means to live in awareness of the consequences of each of our actions. And, we can only do this if we actually love ourselves [that means no conditions, no judgements] understanding that we are “perfect” exactly as we are! Now, that’s a serious stretch, isn’t it?

Most of us are just incapable of accepting ourselves because we are so full of judgement. Why? Because, from the moment we were born, we were seeking to be “approved of” [read “loved”] and the only way that we could see this happening was by behaving the way our parents/siblings/community/society/TV/workmates/friends want us to. And, we would only need to do this if we were seeking their “approval” which, of course, we are!

This is a “massive” realisation! Almost beyond comprehension. Not that the realisation itself is of much value other than it may/could lead to a change of thinking and behaviour towards self-love.

This is an idea that I hope to explore in future blog posts.

Cheers for now – GeminiDreama